For the revision of my first report what I need to do most is work on analyzing the source more closely than I did in the original paper. In my first draft a spent about a paragraphs worth of time implementing analysis of the source. Rather than use the source as a window into the era’s view on technology, I instead, used the document as an assistant to describing Alexander Graham Bells creation of the telephone. What I need to do is dedicate more time and space to discussing how the document shows societies view on Alexander Graham Bell’s telephone at the time he made this groundbreaking device. I do not believe I have to cut out much of my original documenting of Graham Bells invention, but rather, must simply add a lengthily analysis on how the document was important at the time it was written and how it reflected people’s views at that time. I will make this revision by spending further time researching the document and the era’s view on technology as a whole, and then dedicating a portion of my paper to this. Another change I should make in my revision is with structuring. In my draft I spent a fair amount of time at the beginning of the essay discussing Alexander Graham Bell’s origins. Instead of putting this in the beginning of the paper, I should supplant it with an immediate analysis of how the document reflects the society’s views on technology. Whether they be reticent or willing, this is where the heart of my paper, and topic, lye so this should be the meatiest and most apparent part of my analysis. The final change I plan to make in my revision is adding a conclusion that articulates the message of my paper in a concise and clear manner.
